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Android users love porn as much as Steve Jobs hates freedom

April 20, 2010 | by Andrew Kameka

Uncategorized

Android users love porn as much as Steve Jobs hates freedom

Dear Steve Jobs,

Hey, it’s me again! Oh, that’s right, we’ve never met. I’m Dodrina, one of those filthy deviants who looks at pornography all day in between breaks from work and eating. (Yes, I wash my hands).

Anyway, I’ve seen that you’re a fan of answering e-mail from regular folks, so I thought I’d take the time to send you a message regarding your recent comments about Android and porn. You keep saying that “Android has a porn store. You can download it, your kids can download it.” I agree with your stance that porn should be kept out of the hands of our children. It’s wildly inappropriate for their young minds to see Blonde Bubble Butts IV, so I applaud your efforts to expose Android’s dirty little secret about that porn app store nobody even uses and smut apps currently on the market.

And while we’re on the subject of porn, I’d also like to expose another outlet of debase material we should work together to block: Safari, Playboy, and Hooters (all of which are readily available on iPhone). For far too long, we have let the scourge of the Internet corrupt our children with adult material that any 12-year-old can discover. Therefore, we must put a stop to this and keep the iPhone in a Disney-like environment. I don’t want my kids exposed to such materials.

You know what else I don’t want my kids seeing – free speech. That’s why I was so pleased to see that Apple banned a political cartoonist’s app because it mocked public figures. Where the heck does Mark Fiore get off thinking he can call attention to the decisions made by our elected officials or newsmakers? Pulitzer Prize winner or not, he should have blind respect for the will of his leaders and peers. What kind of country would we be if we allowed people to freely express their opinion about the people in power? Not a country I’d like to live in. I like my world totalitarian, heavy-handed, and free from pesky annoyances like consistency or fairness. That’s why I admire the governments of Cuba, Iran, and Cupertino.

Thank you for pointing out that Android has a porn store. Maybe these filthy Android deviants will see the error of their ways and submit to your Divine Will. Best of luck, Great One.

Sincerely,

Dodrina Anderssen